Ouch!

I slipped and fell down on a wet floor, twisting my leg sideways from the knee down. The pain keeps increasing and spreading from my knee to the rest of my leg, so I finally decide to go to the hospital. I’m at the hospital, and the nurse is taking my vitals. I step on the scales and groan out loud.

” Does it hurt?” she asked anxiously.

” No, I’ve gained two kilos!”

And she laughed.

Hmph!

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Fighting Fit

So I’m sitting on the couch in the evening, watching TV, and if you looked at me, you’d think that everything’s absolutely normal. But there’s a war going on in my head! A crazy war of wits (or a war of crazy wits!) between the woman who wants to exercise and get fit and be energetic & the woman who wants to not do anything at all and just slack around.

The Good Me knows I’ve not been working out at ALL! That I’ve gained the two kilos I’d lost by walking all over Italy, and then some… that I’ve stopped yoga and jogging and walking or ANY form of exercise… and that I’m being stupid, cos I actually feel worse by not working out. I have less energy, my body hurts and I need caffeine to keep me going through the day.

But Slacker Me is a sly lil bitch! She has all the excuses! She talks about how work’s been hectic, how exhauuuusting it is to constantly be around clients and be on “people mode” all friggin day, how even my meals are about work, with breakfast and lunch meetings with clients and stuff, so I deserve to chill out for a while.

This confuses me, which is exactly what Slacker chick wants. And then, because the part of me that wants to exercise won’t shut up about it, Slacker negotiates, the sly minx!

It’s 7:13pm now. I’ll go by 7:30. 7:13 is such an odd number!

At 7:30…. ” Oooh! I love this show! I’ll go after that!

After said show…. “If I go NOW, then I’ll end up having a late dinner, which is just NOT HEALTHY! So really, I should have dinner NOW, and THEN go!”

After dinner… ” Oh boy! It’s too late now! I’ll get up early tomorrow and go for a jog. Early morning jogs are the best! I’m going to put the alarm for 6:30am!”

Of course, Slacker Me and the snooze button have an understanding between us, and we snigger quietly, cos everyone knows I’m not getting out of bed until 8am.

*sigh*

Now that I’m awake and feeling miserable all over again, I want to beat Slacker chick senseless and start running again. I want to breathe in the fresh morning air and jog around the block till my heart’s racing and cheeks are flushed. I want to be able to ride on that adrenalin high instead of drinking coffee to keep me going. I want to DO things other than just work and sleep. I want to be able to enjoy my downtime without having to wage a war in my head about whether I really deserve it or not.

I want…. oh yeahhh! I want an exercise partner! We will push each other and keep each other going when one of us wants to give up. Okay… so if there are any strong-willed people out there who can deal with Slacker chick’s negotiation skills, please mail me at sanjana.x@gmail.com!

Pretty please?

What Doesn’t Kill You…

I was possessed. By Pain.

That’s the only way I can describe the past couple of weeks. Stress from various aspects of my life settled around my shoulders and my muscles twisted in protest, and stayed that way. It was debilitating, the pain. I thought I was going to die from it! Never have I experienced something so crippling and relentless! At one point, I swear, I was crying to the Gods to just kill me and end it all (I know I know… sounds melodramatic… but you have not been through what I have, so don’t judge!). My body, like the rest of my life, seems to have a flair for the dramatic. It’s like my chiropractor said “your body… when it goes over to the dark side…. it goes really dark!” 

I was so defeated that one day I burst into tears at my chiropractor’s office, bawling about how tired I was of the damn pain and everything. She patted me on the head and said that I was letting stress get to me.

Dark and twisted… that’s me! *sigh*

I wasn’t even bothered about travel anymoreAnd when *i* don’t care about travel, you know something is terribly wrong!

But the good thing about me is… hope never dies! I’m basically a positive person (though sometimes the positiveness is buried in pretty deep). So though I had given up on life and was waiting for the sweet release of death and all that, I finally got a bit tired of waiting, and gave in. And I guess giving in helped release the stress a little bit… enough to make me get out of bed and do a little yoga… and try and begin to get in touch with the rest of the world that I was ignoring (and did you know, if you ignore the world, the world ignores you right back… very easily? It’s not very good for the ego, but there you go.)

Anyway… I’m a bit better now… not completely alright, but on the road to recovery. My doc’s asked me to take it easy for a while and not stress. I tell the woman that I’m trying, and that’s the best I can do right now.

So in order to make up for all that negativity in my life, I’ve got plans for not one, but two trips! One short, that I’m planning with the gang for the Eid hols, and another one for the end of the year, that I’m planning with a couple of girl-friends, one that I am very excited about (hurrah for excitement!).
Life is painful, quite literally sometimes… and right now, I don’t quite see the point of carrying on… but my damn positiveness has kicked in, so I smile through the  pain, and hope for the best.

Unbreakable.

Life’s been pretty crazy lately.

The job is getting increasingly stressful, which is unfortunately affecting my health in a bad way. I’ve been to 2 countries in a week and driven over 200 kms in a day to attend various meetings and be all corporate honcho over stuff I need to care for but don’t really. I’m also traveling to Lebanon on Monday. So while my travel stats on TripIt keeps increasing, my health seems to be decreasing at inversely proportional levels.

All this running around (in heels, to boot!) has taken a toll on my unfortunately hypersensitive system and my shoulders have almost given up on me from all the stress. I spent most of Thursday and all of Friday in bed trying to sleep through the debilitating pain that originated somewhere between my right shoulder and neck and coursed all the way through from my temple to my toe.

I’m a lot better now, after having been to my chiropractor  (what the hell have you put your body through?! Don’t tell me Oman and Qatar did this to you! YOU did this to you! )… and I’ve also learned that ignoring my daily yoga routine will have painful side-effects. Except, it’s a bit difficult to live  healthy when you have to wake up at 5am to catch an early flight and return home at 10pm, exhausted from all the heat and the people you meet (not all of them pleasant).

I know though, while these may be valid excuses, my body’s not about to listen to reason and be all “okay! I’m not gonna seize up on you and leave you curled up in bed for the weekend”.  On the other hand, I can’t exactly take 6 months off to recuperate either. I’m gonna have  to find some halfway place in-between and call a truce on this pain-war my body’s waging on me.

My chiropractor is a crazy, lovely old iranian-american lady with wild hair that’s a different shade every time I go there. She calls me ‘sweetheart’ and says I remind her of her own daughter back in the states.  She twists and turns my body this way and that and sets it straight and says  “It’s a good body! It’s strong, it’s survived all this. You’ve put it through a lot. Now that you know… you gotta stop and let it heal and become whole again”.

I never thought of my body that way. As being resilient, a survivor. I’ve been through this chronic pain for so long now that I’ve always thought it a weakness (though I haate to admit it and will gouge your eyes out if you call me fragile!).  I know I owe it to myself to be more careful, in all ways. I know now that ignoring the pain will not make it go away.

 

I think I’ll start by finishing that ice-cream in the fridge. (What! The doc asked me to ice the pain).  :P

 

This gym ain’t for the weak-minded!

As I walk out of the gym, exhausted by my work-out, I notice that right outside the entrance there’s a Studio R.

Fair enough, good sales strategy. People who join the gym, will come bouncing out filled with the manic fervour instilled by their trainers to get in shape nowww and be prompted to buy the latest work-out shoes, clothes, watches and what-not.  And have you ever noticed how in the gym there are always a lot of people with lithe bodies covered in spandex  that make you feel like you’ve stepped into some alternate reality where you’re the only girl in a size 12? I mean, it’s not that I’m fat. Cos I’m not. But I should lose around 6 kilos to reach my ideal weight. I used to be a size 8, which I wasn’t happy with then, but now I’d be happy being a size 10 and still be able to enjoy a red velvet cupcake from Magnolia’s once in a while. See, I’m being practical! :D

So anyway, I walk out, and there’s Studio R on my left, and then comes Fruitesca, where they make all those smoothies. Again, health food. Good stuff.  But it all goes downhill from there.

They have this place called Seattle’s Best Coffee, with pastries and muffins and chocolate-chip laden cookies  displayed out, designed to test your will-power to the max! I somehow manage to move my starving body past the damn coffee shop only to be assaulted by the cheerfully pink and inviting eeevil that is Dunkin Donuts, with the Boston Cremes calling out to me, begging to be eaten!

How is this fair? Since when did a trip to exercise your body become one for the mind too? I survived yesterday. But how much longer before I succumb?  I go there again tonight. Hopefully will be able to get past Paul’s without incident!

I wonder if Studio R sells blinders!