What Doesn’t Kill You…

I was possessed. By Pain.

That’s the only way I can describe the past couple of weeks. Stress from various aspects of my life settled around my shoulders and my muscles twisted in protest, and stayed that way. It was debilitating, the pain. I thought I was going to die from it! Never have I experienced something so crippling and relentless! At one point, I swear, I was crying to the Gods to just kill me and end it all (I know I know… sounds melodramatic… but you have not been through what I have, so don’t judge!). My body, like the rest of my life, seems to have a flair for the dramatic. It’s like my chiropractor said “your body… when it goes over to the dark side…. it goes really dark!” 

I was so defeated that one day I burst into tears at my chiropractor’s office, bawling about how tired I was of the damn pain and everything. She patted me on the head and said that I was letting stress get to me.

Dark and twisted… that’s me! *sigh*

I wasn’t even bothered about travel anymoreAnd when *i* don’t care about travel, you know something is terribly wrong!

But the good thing about me is… hope never dies! I’m basically a positive person (though sometimes the positiveness is buried in pretty deep). So though I had given up on life and was waiting for the sweet release of death and all that, I finally got a bit tired of waiting, and gave in. And I guess giving in helped release the stress a little bit… enough to make me get out of bed and do a little yoga… and try and begin to get in touch with the rest of the world that I was ignoring (and did you know, if you ignore the world, the world ignores you right back… very easily? It’s not very good for the ego, but there you go.)

Anyway… I’m a bit better now… not completely alright, but on the road to recovery. My doc’s asked me to take it easy for a while and not stress. I tell the woman that I’m trying, and that’s the best I can do right now.

So in order to make up for all that negativity in my life, I’ve got plans for not one, but two trips! One short, that I’m planning with the gang for the Eid hols, and another one for the end of the year, that I’m planning with a couple of girl-friends, one that I am very excited about (hurrah for excitement!).
Life is painful, quite literally sometimes… and right now, I don’t quite see the point of carrying on… but my damn positiveness has kicked in, so I smile through the  pain, and hope for the best.

10 thoughts on “What Doesn’t Kill You…

  1. Sig says:

    Yikes! that does sound so painful – so sorry to hear that. but it sounds like it’s getting better and the anticipation of the trips will keep you happy :D

    Relax girl…do yoga :P (I say that coz I’m biased, but seriously, be still for maybe 10 mins a day…)

    • Sanjana says:

      I know I know… I should be more committed to yoga. You’d think that having a yoga practitioner for a mother would help… but there you go!
      Hopefully, this time I will stick to it for good.

  2. hAAthi says:

    You know what, its like we cant escape the stress in our lives anymore. Its become entwined with it, and all we can do is do OTHER stuff to balance it our, or give it a vent. Do yoga or get some form of exercise to burn it out so it doesnt accumulate in your shoulders.. Im so sorry to hear how much pain you were in and hope its better now. Oh and holidays and down time?! nothing works as well as that does right? Take care, gurl!

    psst: i checked out ticket prices today :D i have some stuff going on in life that I need to figure out, because it will decide if i will be in a position to take a holiday at the end of the year. so hopefully i will get that sorted and ahhmm, join you guys. if all goes well!

    • Sanjana says:

      You know, I’m just waiting for my boss to come back so I can confirm the dates for my leave and book the tickets already! I’ve been itching to book them for a while now! It’ll be awesome if you can come! Has TWC given you the lowdown of the trip? :D

      And yes, I’m trying to take care. I’ll be okay. :)

  3. Swati Mital says:

    Crumbs. That doesn’t sound very good. Hope you feel better soon. Sending lots of positive vibes your way. Enjoy your holidays :)

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