A mom and more!

My mum, and her mum, have not had easy lives.  I’m not comparing my life with their’s or equating their suffering to mine. Times were different, lives are different, and the paths we come across are different.

My mum and I don’t get along. It’s not that I don’t love her, I do. But there’s always been a lot of tension between us since I went off to college. I wasn’t always very sure of what I wanted (I’m still not, but I am sure of what I don’t want!) and this has conflicted a lot with what my mom wants from me, which created a rift between us that has just increased the older I grew.

But she’s always been Mom. She’s always the person who will take care of me when I’m sick. When I got my shoulder injured last year, I cancelled all my other plans and went back to India, to mom. To eat mom’s cooking,  to heal in her care. And though the woman drives me crazy, we also have a great time together whenever we agree on things! :P

My sister, who my mum is extremely close to, left for higher studies to the UK around 3 years ago, and my mum’s been pretty much at a loose-end since, feeling lonely and upset and missing my sis a lot!

But last year, she discovered yoga, got interested in it so much that she took a course to become a certified yoga practitioner, and  now… now she’s doing her MSc in Yoga! Yeah! :D

Before she left for uni, she left enough food to last dad the 10 days she’d be gone and ensured that everything would be alright while she was away (she’s a very traditional conscientious wife that way). But dad still missed her presence and was calling her 2-3 times a day anyway (which is so weird! If you knew my dad, you’d know what I meant! He usually claims to be completely self-sufficient! :P)

She’s back now, after a long and exhausting couple of weeks which she seemed to thoroughly enjoy!

Chatting with her usually involves her trying to get me married to someone or the other she’s found on some matrimonial site (yes, I’m on all of them I’m sure! She’s created profiles for me everywhere!)  which ends up with us arguing about the same thing again, leaving us both feeling frustrated and depressed!

Today though, it was all about her Uni and the people she met there and the way the students treated her so nicely (the ones she befriended are students around 20-25 years old) and how amazing it all was.

The university she’s in spans about 25 acres and going from the hostel to the canteen is in itself  a 15 min walk.  And going outside the campus was out of the question as she’d have to walk at least 20-25 mins to get anywhere. This one day, she had a headache and told her friend that she’s going to skip lunch and went to sleep. A while later, this girl comes back with some medicines and a sliver of watermelon, saying that she shouldn’t stay hungry if she had a headache! She’d gone out and bought it all for her!

It gladdens my heart that she’s meeting people from different walks of life, and that they love her and respect her and are actually taking care of her!

But…I do feel slightly… jealous? :o/

I mean, she’s my mom! She’s my mommmm!

But suddenly’s it’s like she’s this whole other person, with a whole new life! A life that I’m absolutely not a part of!
I’m so proud of what she’s doing! And  incredibly happy for her, and yet, just a little … I dunno… is jealous the right word if you feel like you’re missing out on something?  I’m so used to her just being in the mommy role that I just find it a little disconcerting that she’s got this other life going on now that has nothing to do with the person I know.
Does that make sense?
But that’s just a transient feeling! Cos I’m liking this new person that she is.  She’s finally got something to do other than just obsess about my marriage! We’ve got things to talk about now that don’t involve shaadi.com! :P
It’ll be another year before she gets her degree. So that’s a year’s worth of profiles I won’t have to look at! ;o)
Seriously though, I’m thankful that she’s found something that she’s really passionate about, and can only hope that I too will one day, be able to follow my passion as she has!
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7 thoughts on “A mom and more!

  1. That was so beautifully written Sanjana. I’m so glad that your mom is creating an identity for herself outside of the wife and mother role.
    I can definitely never be the kind of person our moms’ generation expected. I need to be me and not just V’s mommy or the Techie’s wife.
    Yes, I feel the same when my mom talks about stuff that she does that has nothing to do with the three of us (my dad, brother and me). See even though ‘I’ want to be different, it’s difficult to accept the non-mommy part of ‘my mom’ :-)
    Sorry, I ended up writing a mini-post here.
    Btw, moms and daughters always fight. If you don’t, it means you don’t love each other enough :-D

  2. Thanks nmaha! :o)
    And yeah, I know what you mean! I kept encouraging my mom to “do her thing” and even showed her how to use google maps to find out where she’s gonna go and how to get there etc. But when it came to her actually going and doing it, I was a bit nonplussed to see that I was jealous! :D
    I think it’s just abt getting used to it. If I’d grown up seeing my mom working or something, I’m sure I’d have been cool with this.

  3. Wow, it is happy to know that she’s keeping herself busy. You know, this sounds so much like my mom’s story as well. Few years back, she discovered Baba Ramdev’s Pranayam and first she took it upon herself to teach at least 50 people in 2 months. She used to speak about it to any and every one so that she could achieve her target, and she did.

    And then she dedicated a lot more time to it coz. she saw that people were happy and willing to learn.

    A lot of times, I wonder what is the purpose of life and till the time I figure it out, I think, we all should try and make a positive difference to people or things around us. I never find the time though but it is amazing to see our moms just go and do this.

    And one more thing, trust me, our moms do this only to have some reason to live coz. we are not with them. There is nothing more to a parent than to be the centre of his/her child’s attention. I’m saying this coz. I have a 3 year old son now and I know. But as we grow up and think that we gotta break free and do this and do that, they need to find something to hold on to… And its great that your mom and my mom have found something.

    • I’m glad my mum’s finally found something she’s passionate about. And I hope that she continues with it immaterial of whether me or my sis are around or not.

      I know she loves us, but we love her too and want her to find happiness in other things than being a mom.

      I’d give her the *jaa beti apni zindagi jee le* dialogue if I had to! :P

  4. If you look deep down withing yourself as much as you deny (and sometimes I do)-most of us carry a little bit of our Mums within us:)

    • oh yeah! And I don’t even have to look very deep! :P
      I find myself doing so many things the way my mom does, and when the realization strikes, it’s like… huh!

      :o)

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